Sometimes things will never go out the way you want them to be. Sometimes you’ll feel that you don’t like how people treat you the way they are. More often, you’ll try to shake those off but sometimes you just can’t.

I wonder why I get so mad easily. Why do I get so down easily, why am I offended and pissed off easily? Why do I get depressed with such trivial things? I always ask these questions to myself and the answer is always nowhere to be found.

It is hard to control these things; it is hard to pretend that something does not hurt you were in fact it really does hurt you. Struggle is normal but struggling with some sparkle of depression is not a good thing. I don’t even know how to be depressed. The internet just prescribed it and thrown it to me. It’s difficult to deal with this, I’ve seen it many times maybe not that bad just like how other people have it but hey it’s still depression. Our mental strength is always in battle, a battle for the will of not dying. Have you ever woken up one day telling yourself why I am still here? And you just stare at a distance thinking how fucked up life is and you’re just there, reluctant to do anything. Not even to speak. Like there is a void inside you, a hole that is swallowing you wholly. The world doesn’t give a damn. It will continue to flourish even without you or me. And do you know what’s the worst thing? It’s when the universe conspired these miserable events in your life as if it is mocking you and you know how other people get away with this? Their answer is suicide, it’s not even an option for them, sometimes it’s the only way around.

If I were to write a suicide note, it would probably  look like this...

Partially I don’t blame you guys, I am easily depressed and you don’t know how capable I am to overthink. See it’s wired within me. Sadly, I was very unlucky to be born in a country wherein people have more serious problems than to bother knowing what depression is and what it’s capable of inflicting to people. Probably lack of information dissemination, should I blame the government then? No, I don’t expect anything from the government because it never really care for its people. It cares only for the reputation of our country and not to the individuals.

For the people who claim to know me, some of you might feel guilty about my death but what can I do? Your own emotions are haunting you. Nah, just kidding. … Now that I’m dead, I wish the promptness of my death awaken something inside you. Don’t wait until everything is too late.

Don’t cry for me, be real you’re crying because I left, you’re crying for your own sake. Instead, be happy for me, be happy that I already overcome the pretension of not rotting inside. I am fine wherever I am right now so don’t sulk. Sorry if I gave up, it’s my choice so don’t worry.

And one more thing, don’t give me your pity cause I don’t need it.