“Purely out of storge”

Most girls dream of having a guy best friend. He who will support her, protect her, accompany her to wherever she goes, guide her, and love her like his family. It, really, is dreamy to achieve “friendship goals” with a guy best friend. Well, I’m happy to say that I am one of the lucky girls who have a guy best friend. However, did he really bring me happiness? Am I really lucky to have him as my best friend?

I met him when we were high school juniors. He was transferred to my class section, and he became my seatmate for the whole academic year. For months we talked about our lives, we get to know each other until we knew almost everything. He became a part of my group of friends. We had lunches together, we go home together, and for a short period of time we became inseparable. Just to make it clear, I didn’t have feelings for him that time. As our friendship went stronger and tighter, things started to change. Our friends are betting that the two of us will end up together but for us, it seems absurd. We kept on denying our feelings for each other, until one night my heart gave in. It was our graduation ball, he was my first and last dance, and it was indeed our night. That was when I started to accept the fact that I have fallen for him, but I don’t want him to know because I’m afraid to risk our friendship.

I have kept this feeling for about a year now. A lot of heartaches and pains passed, a lot of his flings passed, yet here I am standing strongly with concealed feelings. I’ve cried myself to sleep, almost every night, blaming myself for all the pain that I have been experiencing. Why do I have to fall for my best friend? Why does it have to be him? He can’t love me back, and he can never love me back because for him I’m only like a sister. I tried to distance myself from him but it was hard for me. I did everything that I could to get rid of my feelings.

Now that I’m in college, I’m studying at a university that is far from my hometown. I do not get to be with him often, and we do not communicate much because we’re busy. Surprisingly, my feelings have subsided. This big distance that is separating us made me realize that my love for him was purely out of storge. It was just an affection that developed because we were always together. I was so nervous to see him again because I thought that my feelings would come back. But when we met he told me that he is already in love again, he told me that he is in love with another guy. So that explained why he can’t have feelings for me. Well, it turned out that my guy bestfriend also prefer men. Oh life!