The struggle of the first born child

Since I was a kid, I considered being a first-born child as a major curse. At first, the reason was just too simple; I had to give in to my younger sister in all situation, which was really annoying. But growing up gave me more reasons to do so and here are some of them:

1. I cannot just do things like people of my age do because there are so many things concerning my parents to be considered.

2.  In making my decisions, I never really get to consider my own thoughts and feelings because I always have to put my parents first and what would they say. Although they don’t tell me that that should be the case, they always make me feel that what I am doing is wrong and I have to do what they are saying to make it right.

3. I cannot express myself because all that was put in my mind since I was a kid is to remember to keep from making them disappointed. In my 17 years, I think everything I have done was to please them.

4. There is too much pressure and responsibility. My parents always say that I should be like this and like that because I will take in charge of our family in the future.

I am always envious of my younger sister because she has all the way to enjoy her life. My parents do not put pressure on her studies as much as they do to me, she is allowed to do everything she wants to do with her friends, and they let her decide for herself. Aside from that, she is never afraid to take risks because there are not too many expectations that she has to meet. Another effect of the things above is I became a walking book of secrets especially to my parents. I do not disclose myself too much to them because I remember during earlier times, they only care when it is something about school or my grades. Moreover, I am afraid that they will be upset with whatever I will say because they have too much expectations.

To sum it up, in my perspective being a first-born child is an endless struggle of fulfilling the insurmountable expectations of your parents, conforming to their ideals, doing as they say, and living your life for them based on my experience. Sometimes it sucks too much that I wish to change the birth order of me and my sister, especially whenever I feel like it is a hindrance for me to grow more and learn more in life. Most of the time I feel that I am not yet enough, nonetheless, seeing my parents’ smiles whenever I did something that is pleasing to them is enough to pay all the things I missed in having fun and living a lighter life.